⚫Living with Premature Knowledge

Death touched your family and changed everything, creating a sharp before/after line in your life story ⚫⚪. You became two versions of yourself: the one before the loss, and the one who had to grow up overnight. This experience gave you a profound appreciation for life's preciousness and the ability to be truly present with others in their pain 💝. Your awareness of mortality makes you cherish moments others take for granted. But living with this knowledge is heavy—you're constantly aware of how fragile life is, making it hard to make long-term plans or fully invest in the future. Every goodbye feels potentially permanent, every argument might be the last thing you say to someone before they walk out for good. You catch yourself mentally rehearsing losses, preparing for market crashes 📉, recessions and world wars 💣 as a way to protect yourself from being blindsided again. When good things happen, part of you holds back from fully enjoying them, knowing that happiness can be suddenly shattered. Part of you believes love and loss are inseparable—that to invest fully is to sign up for future devastation.