Growing up in an environment where your personal boundaries 🚧 were repeatedly violated was pivotal—it taught you that the limits between family members simply *didn't exist*. When you tried to create distance or say no, you were punished, rejected, or made to feel guilty—so you learned that a complete merging with the others' needs was the only way to avoid rejection. But that felt *suffocating and dangerous*, so you'd swing to the opposite extreme—putting up walls and shutting everyone out. But that created guilt, loneliness, and fear of being left behind, pulling you back into `enmeshment`.<br><br>This exhausting cycle became your survival strategy: togetherness felt safer than rejection, but eventually the suffocation would feel worse than being alone. Your nervous system learned that the middle ground—healthy boundaries—*was a luxury you just couldn't imagine with your family*. The way you struggle with closeness and distance with your partners isn't a flaw; it's the result of a childhood spent ping-ponging between two impossible choices and never having experienced what a `secure parent-child attachment` feels like.

All or Nothing Walls

Scolding, verbal abuse, put-downs in the family

Sexual tensions/inappropriate behavior between relatives

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