Traumadater

🔥 Loyal to Your Abusers: When defending your abuser feels like love

Signs you might relate to this dating style:

  • You defend partners who treat you badly to friends and family

  • Your partners use guilt trips, silent treatment, or emotional blackmail

  • You feel most connected during the makeup phase after they've hurt you

  • You get bored or suspicious when someone treats you consistently well

  • You stay loyal to people who alternate between being cruel and kind

  • You feel responsible for managing your partner's emotions and reactions

  • You're drawn to complicated people who need you to prove your love repeatedly

  • You interpret jealousy, control, and criticism as signs of caring

  • You create drama or conflict when relationships feel too peaceful

How it started:

  • Your parents mixed love with criticism, saying it was "for your own good"

  • You needed unconditional love but got affection tangled with emotional manipulation

  • You learned that love meant enduring tests and proving your worthiness through pain

  • Silent treatments and guilt trips became normal ways people showed they "cared"

  • You discovered your value was in how much emotional pain you could tolerate

You attract:

  • The Emotional Vampire: Needs your loyalty to handle their chaos while giving little back

  • The Guilt-Trip Artist: Uses your forgiveness to avoid taking responsibility

  • The Hot-and-Cold Lover: Relies on you to put up with their mood swings

  • The Control Seeker: Keeps you hooked with mixed messages of love and punishment

Who you're drawn to:

  • The Tough Love Partner: Survived hard times by being cold, but melts just for you

  • The Master Manipulator: Knows how to make you feel special while calling the shots

  • The Charmer: Sweeps you off your feet, then disappears when things get real

  • The Runaway Lover: Always seems about to leave, keeping you trying harder

Core pattern:

  • You say you want real love but pick people who love how much you'll put up with

  • When someone treats you right, it feels wrong—like they must not care enough

What healthy attraction looks like:

  • Partners who show they care every day, not just after hurting you

  • Relationships where fights don't mean you have to prove your love

  • People who appreciate your loyalty but don't take it for granted

  • Connections where feeling safe makes the romance stronger, not weaker