Traumadater

⚡ The Lightning Rod: When Relationship Becomes Your Problem to Solve

Signs you might relate to this dating style:

  • You automatically take blame when things go wrong

  • People call you "the fixer" in relationships

  • You feel guilty when others are upset, even if it's not your fault

  • Crises feel familiar—you know exactly what to do

  • You work extra hard to prove you're not the problem

  • Partners often make their issues your responsibility

  • You feel lost when there's nothing to solve

How it started:

  • Your family treated you like the "problem child"

  • You learned to take the blame to keep the peace

  • Being useful felt safer than being yourself

  • Your worth got tied to solving others' problems

You attract:

  • The Blame Shifter: They need someone to absorb their shame and responsibility, making every relationship problem your fault

  • The Crisis Addict: Their constant chaos keeps you busy proving you're not the source of their problems

  • The Helpless Victim: They refuse to take accountability while positioning you as their savior and eventual scapegoat

  • The Overwhelmed Controller: They create messes then blame you for not cleaning them up fast enough

Your nervous system relaxes around these partners because they prove your childhood math works—love means absorbing blame, and being problem-free means being abandoned

Who you're drawn to:

  • The Unapologetic Boundary-Setter: They never take blame for anything, representing the self-advocacy you've never allowed yourself

  • The Hot Mess Express: Their constant crises give you endless opportunities to prove you're helpful, not harmful

  • The Blame-Game Master: Their finger-pointing feels like home because being the problem is your familiar role

  • The Emotionally Volatile: Their unpredictable moods keep you in constant fix-it mode, avoiding your own needs

You mistake being their emotional dumping ground for being loved—but really, they're just using you to avoid taking responsibility for their own lives

Core pattern:

  • You protect yourself by fixing everything and absorbing blame, but this keeps you stuck in the role of "the problem person"

What healthy attraction looks like:

  • Someone who says "That's not your fault" and means it

  • Partners who handle their own emotional storms without blaming you

  • Relationships where you can exist without solving anything

  • People who love you more when you're not being "helpful"

  • Connections where problems belong to whoever created them