Traumadater

🙇‍♀️ The Skeptic: When Good Things Feel Like a Trap

Signs you might relate to this dating style:

  • Kindness makes you suspicious - you always wonder "What's the catch?"

  • Compliments feel uncomfortable because praise used to come with strings attached

  • You prefer partners who are kinda distant - their emotional unavailability feels safer

  • When someone's really into you, part of you waits for them to change their mind

  • You secretly test partners to see if they'll disappoint you

  • Happy relationships feel "too good to be true"

How it started:

  • People who should've cared for you let you down a lot

  • "I love you" often meant "Do what I want"

  • Nice gestures usually had hidden prices

  • You learned hoping leads to hurt

You attract:

  • The Guilt-Free User: They need someone who won't expect genuine care, so your low expectations let them be selfish without consequences

  • The Fake-Nice Manipulator: They need someone with trust issues to validate their belief that "everyone's just looking out for themselves anyway"

  • The Emotional Coward: They need a partner who won't demand real intimacy, using your suspicion as an excuse to stay surface-level

Your nervous system relaxes around these partners because they prove your survival math works—expecting the worst prevents devastating surprises

Who you're drawn to:

  • The Brutally Honest Asshole: They're upfront about being selfish, representing the trustworthiness you lost faith in

  • The Commitment-Phobe: Their reluctance feels more honest than people who promise forever then leave

  • The Tough Love Critic: Their harsh feedback feels more real than compliments that might be manipulation

  • The Consistent Disappointment: You know exactly what to expect from them—nothing—which feels safer than hope

You mistake their emotional unavailability for "being real"—but really, you're just addicted to the familiar pain of low expectations

Core pattern:

  • You protect yourself by expecting the worst from people, but this keeps you from accepting real love when it comes

What healthy attraction looks like:

  • Someone whose actions match their words over time

  • Partners who give without keeping score or bringing it up later

  • Relationships where "I love you" doesn't come with conditions or "but..."

  • People who prove trust can be safe, one small step at a time

  • Connections where kindness doesn't trigger your danger radar