When your parents split, your world didn't just break—it shattered into two irreconcilable realities 🌗. To survive in this new environment, you learned to mirror each parent's values. At times you had to censor parts of yourself to keep the peace and bury your own needs under the weight of their unresolved conflict, while at other times you needed to play your parents against each other to get your needs met. Your young heart learned to split itself in half 💔, creating different versions of who you were depending on which world you inhabited.
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Now, you **struggle to know who you are** because your early survival depended on learning to manage the dynamics between three people rather than being actually yourself. You might find yourself instinctively creating `"us-vs-them" triangles` in your relationships, uncomfortable with one-on-one intimacy with your partner. The idea of being authentically yourself with just your partner feels foreign, almost dangerous—like showing your whole self would risk losing someone important.<br><br>
You're most comfortable when there's a **third party involved**—friends, family, work, even conflicts—because triangles ▵ feel more familiar and comfortable than the vulnerable exposure of direct connection. You might bond with your partner by complaining about others, unite against external problems or social issues, or constantly reference what friends think about your relationship. When it's just the two of you, without distractions or outside validation, you feel lost or anxious, unsure of how to connect without a shared enemy or ally. Having survived intense family triangulation in your early life, one-on-one intimacy now feels weird and uncomfortable—like something essential is missing when it's just the two of you.

Tools & Learning

▵ The Triangles Expert

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