Traumadater

🌊 Come Here, Go Away: When love feels real only when it hurts

Signs you might relate to this dating style:

  • You push partners away when they get too close

  • Calm relationships make you nervous - like something's wrong

  • You test people by starting fights to see if they'll stay

  • You miss them when they're gone but feel smothered when they're around

  • "I love you" and "I need space" might happen in the same hour

  • Happy times feel fake - like the bad stuff is coming soon

How it started:

  • Your parents were hot-and-cold - loving one minute, distant the next

  • Good moments disappeared without warning

  • You never knew where you stood with them

  • Love felt like a rollercoaster you couldn't get off

You attract:

  • The Drama Addict: They need your emotional chaos to feel alive, using your push-pull to avoid their own boring emptiness

  • The Rescuer Complex: They need someone to "save" repeatedly, so your mixed signals give them endless fixing projects

  • The Intensity Junkie: They need your emotional extremes to feel passionate, using your volatility as their entertainment

  • The Stability Avoider: They need your unpredictability to justify their own fear of commitment and consistency

Your nervous system relaxes around these partners because they prove your survival math works—love requires constant vigilance and emotional warfare

Who you're drawn to:

  • The Steady Secure: Their consistency terrifies and fascinates you—they represent the emotional safety you never learned to trust

  • The Fellow Chaos Creator: They match your push-pull perfectly, validating that "real love" requires dramatic ups and downs

  • The Part-Time Lover: Their distance feels familiar, like home—it triggers your desperate pursuit mode

  • The Fixer-Upper: They promise steady love but can't deliver

You confuse anxiety spikes for chemistry, and peaceful moments for boredom

Core pattern:

  • You think love has to hurt to be real, so you create the very drama that keeps you from experiencing steady, secure love

What healthy attraction looks like:

  • Someone who stays calm during your storms without leaving or fighting back

  • Partners who prove love isn't about tests, games, or emotional extremes

  • Relationships where "boring" doesn't mean "broken" or losing interest

  • People who love you the same on Tuesday as they did on Monday

  • Connections where you can be close without fearing abandonment or suffocation