Traumadater

🏚️ Guest in Your Own Home: When nowhere feels like home

Signs you might relate to this dating pattern:

  • You've dated someone for 6+ months but still say "your place" instead of "ours"

  • You keep a toothbrush and charger in your bag "just in case"

  • The idea of sharing a closet makes your chest tighten

  • You've broken up with someone because things felt "too settled"

  • Your childhood involved sudden moves, couch-surfing, or unstable housing

  • Stable partners complain you treat their home like a hotel

  • You bond fastest with people who also live out of suitcases

How it started:

  • "Home" was never permanent (evictions, migrations, foster care)

  • Love meant being ready to disappear at any moment

  • You learned: "Getting comfortable = getting hurt"

You attract:

  • The Nester: Wants to "save" you by buying furniture and making keys too fast

  • The Stability Keeper: Holds security over your head - "You'd have more if you just committed"

  • The Root Grower: Treats you like a project - "I'll help you put down roots!"

Who you're drawn to:

  • The Expiration Date: Visas, contracts or "situationships" create built-in expiration dates

  • The Settler: You crave their "stability" but they make you feel trapped

Core pattern:

  • You crave stability but panic when it's offered - so you choose people who guarantee you'll never feel at home

What healthy attraction looks like:

  • They don't rush you to merge lives but don't let you treat them like a hotel

  • You realize you left a hoodie at their place and don't panic

  • Their steadiness starts to feel safe instead of suffocating

  • They understand your readiness to leave is trauma, not rejection