Experiencing immigration and displacement taught you that *you don't really belong anywhere*. Whether through homelessness, forced moves, or immigration and refugee experiences you've learned that *your presence is temporary*, that you are `rootless` and that others decide whether you get to stay or go ➡️. Your survival strategy became: **make yourself as small and unproblematic as possible** so maybe they'll let you remain a little longer.<br><br>This gave you incredible adaptability 💪—you learned to minimize your needs to avoid being a burden, developed the ability to fit into any space without causing trouble, and became skilled at reading the intentions of powerful people. You're exceptionally considerate of others, rarely ask for anything, and have mastered the art of being helpful without taking up too much room 🪑.<br><br>But now, in your relationships, you struggle to commit fully because *what's the point if it won't last?* You've become so used to being like a driven leaf, without a place to call home, that you can't trust in permanence unless your partner is significantly more stable, has more financial resources 💰 or is more *emotionally secure* than you. When partners show their own vulnerabilities or struggles, you instinctively pull back from commitment. Deep down, you believe that *people like you don't get to commit*—that rootlessness is your natural state and only others with real strength can offer you the stability you crave but don't dare expect to find in yourself.

When nowhere feels like home

## Signs you might relate to this dating pattern:

> - You've dated someone for 6+ months but still say "your place" instead of "ours"
>
> - You keep a toothbrush and charger in your bag "just in case"
>
> - The idea of sharing a closet makes your chest tighten
>
> - You've broken up with someone because things felt "too settled"
>
> - Your childhood involved sudden moves, couch-surfing, or unstable housing
>
> - Stable partners complain you treat their home like a hotel
>
> - You bond fastest with people who also live out of suitcases

## How it started:

> - "Home" was never permanent (evictions, migrations, foster care)
>
> - Love meant being ready to disappear at any moment
>
> - You learned: "Getting comfortable = getting hurt"

## You attract:

> - **The Nester**: Wants to "save" you by buying furniture and making keys too fast
>
> - **The Stability Keeper**: Holds security over your head - "You'd have more if you just committed"
>
> - **The Root Grower**: Treats you like a project - "I'll help you put down roots!"


## Who you're drawn to:

> - **The Expiration Date**: Visas, contracts or "situationships" create built-in expiration dates 
>
> - **The Settler**: You crave their "stability" but they make you feel trapped 


## Core pattern:

> - You crave stability but panic when it's offered - so you choose people who guarantee you'll never feel at home

## What healthy attraction looks like:

> - They don't rush you to merge lives but don't let you treat them like a hotel
>
> - You realize you left a hoodie at their place and don't panic
>
> - Their steadiness starts to feel safe instead of suffocating
>
> - They understand your readiness to leave is trauma, not rejection

Guest in Your Own Home

Living in refugee camps or temporary shelters

Living in temporary or institutional housing (shelters, refugee camps)

Sudden displacement/immigration due to war/persecution

Witnessing violence during migration journey

Tools & Learning

🏚️ Guest in Your Own Home: When nowhere feels like home

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