Traumadater

💃🕺 Same Dance, Different Partners: When chasing unavailable love feels like home

Signs you might relate to this dating style:

  • You feel most "in love" when chasing someone who's pulling away

  • Friends get frustrated watching you give chance after chance

  • Peaceful relationships make you anxious - you wait for the other shoe to drop

  • You're great at seeing potential in troubled partners

  • You stay hopeful much longer than others would

  • You believe if you love hard enough, you can "fix" someone's unavailability

  • Sex feels most intense after emotional drama or distance

How it started:

  • Love was unpredictable growing up - here one minute, gone the next

  • You learned to cherish rare moments of attention

  • Your worth felt tied to how much neglect you could endure

  • Chaos felt more familiar than stability

You attract:

  • The Breadcrumber: Gives just enough attention to keep you hooked but never fully commits

  • The Revolving Door: Comes and goes unpredictably, keeping you constantly adjusting

  • The Fixer-Upper: Has so much potential if only you love them enough to change

  • The Comparison: Always makes you compete with others for their attention

Your nervous system calms around these partners because they prove your childhood math works - love means working hard for scraps while ignoring your own needs

Who you're drawn to:

  • The Unattainable: Their distance feels exciting because the chase feels like love

  • The Hot-and-Cold: Their mixed signals keep you constantly trying to decode them

  • The Wounded Bird: You believe if you heal them, they'll finally love you right

  • The Commitment-Phobe: Their hesitation gives you endless projects to prove your worth

You mistake anxiety for passion - but really, you're just replaying childhood patterns where love was something to earn, not receive freely

Core pattern:

  • You keep choosing partners who make you prove your worth, because deep down you don't believe you're lovable as you are

What healthy attraction looks like:

  • Someone who's excited to see you without games or tests

  • Partners who match your effort without being chased

  • Relationships where love feels easy more often than hard

  • People who appreciate you without needing to be convinced

  • Connections where your value isn't tied to how much you endure