Growing up, your feelings were treated like unwelcome guests in your own home 🏠. When you were hurt, scared, or angry, the adults around you either ignored you completely or made it clear that your emotions were *inconvenient, dramatic, or wrong*. You learned early that feelings don't get you comfort—they get `invalidated, criticized, and turned against you entirely`. So you did what any smart kid would do: you shut down the emotional spigot to stop bothering people with your needs.<br><br> This `emotional numbing` was actually brilliant survival strategy 🧠. You became incredibly self-sufficient, able to handle crises without falling apart, and developed a radar for others' emotions since yours didn't seem to matter anyway. But now you find yourself *disconnected from your own inner world*, struggling to know what you actually feel or need in any given moment. When someone genuinely asks "What's going on for you?" or "How are you feeling?" there's often just... static 📻. You've become so good at reading everyone else's emotional temperature that you've forgotten how to take your own. The strategy that once protected you from humiliation and rejection now leaves you feeling like a stranger to yourself and  disconnected from the people closest to you.

When feeling nothing feels safer than feeling too much

## Signs you might relate to this dating style:
> - Partners say they can never tell what you're feeling
> 
> - You pride yourself on "not being emotional"
> 
> - When upset, you get quiet rather than share
> 
> - Physical symptoms (headaches, tension) appear instead of emotions
> 
> - You prefer solving problems to discussing feelings
> 
> - Crying feels dangerous or shameful
> 
> - You dismiss your own needs as unimportant

## How it started:
> - Your feelings were ignored or punished as a child
> 
> - Showing emotion only made situations worse
> 
> - You learned to parent your own emotions
> 
> - Needs were treated as burdens
> 
> - The message was clear: "Feelings = danger"

## You attract:
> - **The Emotion Miner**: Constantly tries to "dig up" your feelings
> 
> - **The Fixer**: Wants to "help" you open up whether you want to or not
> 
> - **The Drama Magnet**: Their big emotions let you avoid your own
> 
> - **The Taker**: Appreciates your stability but exploits your inability to set emotional boundaries  

## Who you're drawn to:
> - **The Open Book**: Their emotional expression fascinates you
> 
> - **The Therapist**: Promises to help you "get in touch with your feelings"
> 
> - **The Storm Cloud**: Their constant drama keeps focus off you
> 
> - **The Project**: Someone you can help rather than examine yourself

## Core pattern:
> - Your childhood survival strategy (emotional shutdown) now prevents the deep connection you secretly want

## What healthy attraction looks like:
> - Partners who give you space to open up without pressure
> 
> - Relationships where small emotions feel safe to share
> 
> - People who appreciate your strength but check on your heart
> 
> - Connections where needs don't feel like burdens
> 
> - Love that values your quiet as much as your words

The Stoic

Emotionally distant or unavailable parent

Living in unsafe or high-crime neighborhoods

No safe adult to turn to for emotional support

Tools & Learning

🪨 The Stoic: When feeling nothing feels safer than feeling too much

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