Avoidance and Emotional Withdrawal

Chaotic Attachment and Push-Pull Dynamics

Conflict and Protest Behaviors

Dismissing Red Flags

Dissociation and Shutdown Responses

Fear of Abandonment

Hypervigilance and Scanning for Danger

Partner Testing, Distrust and Fear of Betrayal

Poor Boundaries

Reality Distortion

Role-Playing and Identity Loss

Scarcity Mindset

Self-Sacrifice and Love Earning

Social Unbelonging

Trauma Sexuality

When leaving feels safer than arguing

Always Ready to Leave

From Outsider Child to Toxic Partners as Adult

Drawn to the Margins

Expecting Everyone to Leave

When nowhere feels like home

Guest in Your Own Home

The Chameleon

From Marginalized Child to Hypervigilance in Relationships

The Social Radar

Body Guarded

Body That Learned to Leave

Body That Remembers Hunger

From Touch Trauma to Frozen Sex

Body That Remembers What You Forgot

Sex as a Movie

Sex as a Transaction

Sex as Violence

From Medical Trauma as Child to Sexual Disconnection as Adult

The Dissociate

All or Nothing Walls

From Narcissistic Parents to Codependent Adult

Lost in Boundaries

Resisting Quick Closeness

The Emotional Absorber

The Accommodator-Fighter

The Advocate

When Your Feet Decide Before Your Heart Does

The Runner

The Vanishing Act

The Volcano

Carrying the Weight of Being the One Who Lived

Living with Premature Knowledge

Rehearsing Goodbye

Terrified of Abandonment

Always Doing The Math

Braced for Independence

From Hot-and-Cold Parents to Push-Pull Relationships

Come Here, Go Away

Guarding Against Heartbreak

Keeping One Foot Out the Door

Loving and Hating Intensely

From Abusive Parents to Trauma Bonding Adult

Loyal to Your Abusers

From Unpredictable Parents to Chaotic Partners

No Playbook for Dating

From Inconsistent Parents to Unavailable Partners

Same Dance, Different Partners

From Attention-Starved Child to Crisis-Bonding Adult

The Drama Magnet

Whiplashed in Relationships

Wired for Crisis

Blind Spots in Plain Sight

Going to the Opposite Extreme

Guided by Voices from the Past

Hypnotized to Believe You're Damaged Goods

Living in Ancestral Shadows

Reading Between the Lines

From Gaslighting Parents to Reality Bending Relationships

The Gas Leak Detector

From Neglected as Child to People Pleasing in Relationships

The Accommodator

The Also Ran

When taking care of your partner feels like being loved

The Caregiver

The Empath

The Fighter

The Fire Extinguisher

The Hero

The High Achiever

The Invisible Child

From Problem Child to Relationship Fixer Adult

The Lightning Rod

The Love Earner

From Golden Child to People-Pleasing Adult Relationships

The Mirror

From Controlled Child to Dependent Partner

The Passenger

The Peacemaker

From Perfectionist Parents to Relationship Performance

The Performer

When being seen feels like being exposed

The Politician

The Rescuer

From Emotionally Neglected Child to Feelings Avoidant Partner

The Stoic

The Triangles Expert

Hair Trigger Alert

Living in Fight-or-Flight

From Criminal Family Child to Dangerous Partners as Adult

The Outlaw

From Toxic Parents to Hypervigilant Relationships

The Radar Always On

Wired for Survival

Always Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop

From Discrimination as Child to Trauma-Bonding as Adult

The Outsider

When silence feels safer than truth

The Secrets Keeper

From Betrayed Child to Trust-Avoidant Adult

The Skeptic

Wounded by Betrayal

### How It Started
From your earliest days, medical procedures and hospital stays shaped your childhood in ways other kids never experienced 🏥. Your body became territory that others could invade without permission—doctors, nurses, and medical staff making decisions about your physical form while you lay there helpless. Pain and vulnerability became routine, teaching your nervous system that your body wasn't yours to control. While other children played, you were learning the names of various body parts and medical procedures. You became a `sum of different parts`, rather than a whole person that others take for granted. You learned to see your body as fragile, unreliable, and always one step away from needing some part of it "fixed." You developed an extraordinary ability to `dissociate` and disconnect from physical pain—a survival skill that helped you navigate complex medical realities that would overwhelm other people 💪.
### How It Shows Up
To this day, your relationship with your body remains *fractured*. Sometimes it feels like it fully belongs to you, other times it doesn't. One day you are oblivious to it, another day completely numb or staying on high alert to every sensation, but never quite feeling at home in your own skin. In your relationships, receiving physical touch requires conscious effort. Physical closeness can trigger split-second reactions you can't control ⚡️. You may struggle with `secure attachment` because those early experiences *disrupted your natural ability to trust in life and yourself*.
### The Core Pattern
Intimacy may feel like a threat even when you want closeness. It may puzzle you that sometimes you have better sex with people you care little or none at all about. When you do want intimacy, you might find yourself suddenly going numb, spacing out, thinking of other things or pulling away when your body is naked. The heartbreak is that you've learned that with physical exposure comes *complete powerlessness*, not healthy vulnerability. For you, it's been a long road to recovery and you've gained back your safety, but intimacy and safety are sometimes strange bedfellows.<br><br>
>Note: This survivor love style description has been adapted due to its highly sensitive nature. Working with therapists who specialize in medical trauma can help you learn more about modifying these patterns and reshaping your relationship with intimacy 🌱.

## Signs you might relate to this dating style:
> - [SIGNS1] You dissociate during physical intimacy without meaning to
>
> - [SIGNS2] Medical settings or procedures trigger intense physical reactions
>
> - [SIGNS3] You alternate between ignoring your body and hyper-focusing on sensations
>
> - [SIGNS4] Partners say you "disappear" during sex or physical closeness
>
> - [SIGNS5] You feel safest when you can mentally leave your body
>
> - [SIGNS6] Touch sometimes feels invasive even when wanted
>
> - [SIGNS7] You have better sex with people you don't care about
>
> - [SIGNS8] Your body often feels like it belongs to someone else

## How it started:
> - [ORIGINS1] Childhood medical procedures violated your bodily autonomy
>
> - [ORIGINS2] You learned your body could be invaded without consent
>
> - [ORIGINS3] Dissociation became your primary survival strategy

## You attract:
> - [ATTRACTORS1] **The Body-Oblivious Partner**: They're so focused on their own pleasure they don't notice when you mentally leave
>
> - [ATTRACTORS2] **The Overwhelmed Caregiver**: They need someone who won't add more emotional demands to their overloaded life
>
> - [ATTRACTORS3] **The Trauma Collector**: They're fascinated by your medical story but treat your body like a broken object to fix
>
> - [ATTRACTORS4] **The Performance-Focused Lover**: They care more about technique than connection, perfect for your dissociation
>
> Your nervous system relaxes around these partners because they prove your survival math works—they'll never demand you stay present in your body

## Who you're drawn to:
> - [DRAWN1] **The Confident Embodied**: They move through the world like their body belongs to them, but their physical ease triggers your deepest envy and fear
>
> - [DRAWN2] **The Fellow Body-Trauma Survivor**: They understand your dissociation perfectly but reinforce that physical presence equals danger
>
> - [DRAWN3] **The Sensual Healer**: They promise to help you reconnect with your body but their touch-focused approach feels like medical procedures 2.0
>
> - [DRAWN4] **The Emotionally Unavailable**: Their distance lets you stay dissociated while still feeling "in relationship"
>
> You mistake their inability to see your disconnection for "respecting your boundaries"—but really, they're just not paying attention

## Core pattern:
> - [PATTERN1] You believe physical vulnerability leads to violation
>
> - [PATTERN2] You create safety through dissociation, but this prevents true intimacy

## What healthy attraction looks like:
> - [HEALTH1] Someone who notices when you disappear but doesn't force you back
>
> - [HEALTH2] Partners who ask permission before touching instead of assuming consent
>
> - [HEALTH3] Relationships where you can practice being present in small doses
>
> - [HEALTH4] People who celebrate your body reconnection without shaming the disconnect
>
> - [HEALTH5] Connections where emotional intimacy doesn't require physical presence

Tools & Learning

Related Childhood Experiences